Never in my most ferocious nightmares could I have predicted I’d be writing the terms “Nicki Minaj” and “political genius” in the same sentence; but I suppose in these surreal times, where our cultural attachés consists of the likes of Riff Raff and more people seem to concern themselves with MTV’s Video Music Awards than the DNC, the gravity of politics seems to have undergone some cosmic inversion where this now makes sense.

Given our culture’s obsessive glorification with the seemingly lobotomized, I suppose it also makes sense that the Republican party has fashioned itself into satire, or at least as it appears to smug liberals like myself: a financially bloated Hindenburg fueled by relentless hate-mongering disguised as patriotism and existing in a continuum immune to fact-checkers, history and social-class consciousness. And then it clicked that the recent scandal over Nicki’s so-called lyrical endorsement of Mitt isn’t the least bit bizarre, as these two human charactertures actually have a lot in common aside from asphyxiating levels of hairspray.

Don’t get me wrong, I count myself amongst the outskirts of her fan-base, after all, I can’t deny blasting “Starships” with the windows down on route to the beach this summer. Although many fans have vented their outrage on twitter at Nicki’s declaration, for me personally, this might actually make her dearer to my heart. Let us take a moment to dissect the nature of the exaggerated character that is Minaj: a futuristic Barbie doll on ecstasy aesthetic, one could go as far to say a living photoshop, combined with an insatiable drive for sex, money, power and the destruction of all beings lesser than herself (stupid hoe’s). Take out the sex and what you have left is Mitt Romney, a politician who can deliver a speech with the stiffness and authenticity of a Ken doll, a politician who has promised to gut this country like the companies he’s swallowed up in a for-profit enterprise, and most importantly, a politician who has the audacity to believe he has the right to decide what women can do with their bodies. These circumstances would be comical if it weren’t sad how effectively Romney and Ryan’s dissatisfaction with Obama’s administration resonates with so many Americans.

But back to my rambling and circuitous point: Nicki Minaj is a product, at the heart of who’s selling point can be rationalized as “If I am the joke, then the jokes on you for taking me seriously” and any political affiliation she may have should be judged accordingly. Romney could not feign such self-awareness and I’m sure he takes her endorsement as an insult, which if I were Nicki, would have been exactly my goal. From my cozy little vantage point down at the coffee-shop where I watch liberal arts majors put their degrees to good use decorating Styrofoam cups with sharpies, it’s easy for me to see the inherent irony in all of this: a candidate who thinks we can run the country like a business endorsed by a pop-star who clearly doesn’t know the first thing about politics, or for that matter, economics. This union was meant to be. So yes, Nicki Minaj, you are a political genius, because how could you make it more obvious that Mitt Romney is a hoax(joke) than by aligning your megalomaniacal ideology with his?

In the introduction to the song containing her political statement, she makes the declaration,“Imma take da crown” and I imagine that the very same sentiment sooths our dear old Mitt off to sleep after he’s tucked in his sixteen perfect Mormon grandchildren and kissed his perfect Mormon wife goodnight. So if you are voting for Mitt Romney, consider the future you are voting for: a stranger, more surreal and brutal new world where in the not so distant, but distinctly dystopian future, seeing a name like Nicki Minaj in the Ballot Box won’t seem so ridiculous.

Fellow Liberals: It’s time to bare our teeth.

Republicans: It’s time to check your facts.


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